Ahhhh, I can breath again. I have been paying close attention to my emotions lately in connection to my trauma. I have realized how much better if feel when I write or speak about the trauma and it almost caused me some confusion; however, being the “thinker” that I am, I took time to process the “why does it feel better” question. I attended my weekly therapy session yesterday and it always feels better when I am done.
I am a Life Coach, so processing my thoughts and actions are important to me; after all, we all should practice what we preach (you should try it some time). I can see that there is a very thin line to walk when one is trying to navigate their way through the effects of trauma. On one hand, sharing experiences can be very liberating and on the other hand it can be suppressing. So how do survivors go about distinguishing what side of the line we are walking?
Ask yourself this: “am I sharing or dwelling”? If you are dwelling on the trauma then you will constantly find yourself living in past. You will make your choices based on what happened to you; you will feel depressed after speaking of your ordeal; you will seek sympathy and pity; you will promote your own self-pity and you will feel as if your life is going “nowhere fast”. You are a victim. If you are sharing your story then you will find yourself moving forward, away from making poor choices; you will take steps to improve your circumstances even when you do not feel like it; you will feel a sense of relief or freedom after sharing parts of your trauma; you find yourself looking forward to your future and seek no sympathy or pity from others and you will learn to live with the symptoms of your trauma while being at peace with it. You are a survivor. I am not completely at peace with my trauma yet but it is my goal; and I will continue to work on it until……until my peace no longer is disturbed by it.
Here is how I see or envision my experience with healing: each time I share parts of my experience, the poison that is within me is being released. The more I share, the more poison I get rid of. When I dwell on my experience and do not speak or write about it, I will internalize it and lock the poison inside of me. That poison will eventually make me sick and lead me to walk in darkness until death. I will continue to release the poison making room for my light to shine.
What side of that thin line are you walking on?