I received a response from a friend of mine the other day and felt the need to address it. After reading my blog she texted the following, “I’m in tears and speechless”; then her other response got to me even more because she said, “lol…I am a loser”. She made me laugh but it wasn’t funny. My friend has received coaching from me and I give her advice whenever she needs it. I know most of what has occurred in her life and childhood. After reading my blog, she compared my trauma to her own and felt like “a loser” because I have spent so much time working with her on her issues, when I have so much pain of my own. She is a survivor of many abuses, including being a witness to her father’s attempt to kill her mother.
Abuse has no measure! One does not receive more abuse than another. We all deal with our abuse differently. I know a woman who was inappropriately touched by a neighbor just once; she has never learned to trust anyone because of this. When I heard the stories from the three women who were sex slaves for Ariel Castro for ten years, I too compared my trauma to theirs. It’s inevitable that we will do this from time-to-time. It’s a part of our human nature. No matter how bad your circumstance is or becomes, there will always be someone who has been through “worse”….but remember “worse” and “bad” are relative at best.
Whether you were sexually, physically, mentally or emotionally abused, you hurt. Not only do you hurt , but you will also act out your pain. We usually don’t connect our choices and actions to our pain. If you take the time to be honest with yourself and be willing to take a look into the darkness, you will see the connections. We all have pain to deal with on some level. We all deserve healing. We all have the right to be heard. Your story is just as important as mine.
Abuse has no measure. You all matter…at least, to me, you do. And you are not a loser.