Abuse, Incest, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rape

Shining a LIGHT into the DARKNESS

For every wrongdoer hates the Light,

and will not come out into the Light but

shrinks from it, lest his works (his deeds,

his activities, his conduct) be exposed and reproved.

John 9 verse 20

The Amplified Bible

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

This is the song I would sing whenever I felt myself slipping into that dark place of my mind. I would sing it over and over again, until I could picture a little flame within me. I know that as long as I could see and hold that light, I would find my way. Even a small dim light is comfort in the darkness. It reminds me of waking up in the middle of the night, craving a drink of water to quench my thirst. You know you have to navigate our way through the dark; at first you try to convince yourself that you can wait until daylight but your thirst will not allow you. So you grab your cell phone, turn on the screen light and hold it in front of you. There is just enough light to see the steps you need to take ahead of you. It’s just enough light to help you find your way; and when you finally arrive in your kitchen, you open the refrigerator and like magic that tiny little light led you to a place that where the light was much brighter. You quench your thirst. Ahhhh!

My family has been through some dark times and are about to go through some more. No different from any other family out there. We all have family drama and the baggage that comes with it. I began to understand why we keep ourselves in that darkness so long. There’s really only one reason, one “bottom line”. You see in the dark, we are safe. In the dark, no one can see what you are hiding. In the dark, no one can see you. The true “bottom line” is that in the dark, you cannot even see yourself. If you cannot see yourself, then you cannot look at yourself. Eventually, you become lost in the darkness. And in the moment when you realize that you are lost, you also wish to be found. But no one will come; that is when you hear a voice ” I AM THE LIGHT” saith the Lord. Since He lives within you, He shines within you. You must then begin to reach for your light and sing “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine”. And when it begins to shine just a little bit, you find your way to the well that will quench your thirst.

This is what motivates me; this is my intention. I do not have hatred towards my family; only Love. It is this very Love that allows me to become that Light that this family needs. Then perhaps, just perhaps, we will all become a Light for others. This is what Jesus taught me:

We cannot pull ourselves out of darkness

nor can we avoid it; we can however, navigate

our way THROUGH it. So shine your LIGHT and

become that Light for one another.

Wise One

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